Slovakian image

I stumbled upon a full court basketball game in Bratislava. I rolled up and asked “how do you say I got next in Slovakian?”  When I got on the court, every player came over to me to show respect and apologize for their lack of skills. They thought I was some type of professional player. I just said “lets have fun,” knowing my skills are not what they were 20 years ago.

I was scoring at will down low. When I tried to go coast to coast, I made it to the rim but more often than not I lost the ball in the process.

I am not trying to be stereotypical but Europe is the continent of the set-shooter. I never saw such a slow shot release. These were open invitations to swat the ball out of bounds. But what confused me the most was every time someone scored from outside everyone jogged back applauding the shooter. We had 9 guys chumming it up like they had all collectively defended their national territory against a WW II Nazi onslaught.

I called my guys into a huddle. I had my head down. I was emotional: “Yo! Wake up out there. You never heard of Dennis Rodman or Kevin Garnet? Get position. Throw an elbow in his stomach. Push him into a puddle under the hoop.” When I looked up, there were 9 dudes in the huddle. The opposing team had joined us! “Hey what are you guys doing here? Get out of here!” I yelled, motioning to the other end of the court. But my guys ran off too. We were back to square one.

I opted for the one on one team leadership tactic. I called the quick point guard over.  “When the shot goes up, break. Go long like Odell Beckham.” He looked perplexed. “Football. We’ll burn ’em. Go deep,” I waved down the court. “Oh football. Yes like Messi,” he responded. I sighed. All I could do was give the good-natured young man a thumbs up. I reasoned that we would learn as we went–practice makes perfect.

When the shot went through the metal net, I took it out of bounds and I heaved it down the court. But the designated receiver was too busy celebrating his opponent’s shot. The ball sailed over his head out of bounds.

Was this a lesson in cultural relativity?  I was furious. “It’s not a 10 man team! You can take him out for a lager after the game if you want.”

We split 4 games with these self-applauders. I was appalled. After the game, they invited me for some beers & bryndzové halušky (world-renowned sheep cheese potato dumplings). I thought what the heck, if you can’t beat ’em, you may as well join ’em.

1 COMMENT

  1. This post was genuinely funny. An interesting glimpse into how ‘winning’ mindsets can differ from our own. Although, I suspect that your very presence was too irresistible for the opposing team to pass up on. Curiosity might have trumped any inclination towards competition they had. Im sure they will fondly remember this encounter.

    A charming read. Thank you.

  2. Now i can say this was hilarious i have never head of people shooting the ball slowly. and how the opposing team has the audacity to hilarious up with your team. I hate to have to comment on Ball going in the basket but it is something that i have been seen before. Being that in high school, when I was going to the boys games I never seen such a thing…

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